GUSsacks, as some of you know, I was dating a wonderful woman for most of the month of June and part of July. I had not felt this happy since my last serious relationship ended five years ago with my ex-fiancee. This young lady awoke in me feelings that had been either asleep or suppressed because of all the pain I had felt in the past. Perhaps it would have been best for me to keep to feelings locked away as I yet again suffer the same heart break.
Last Friday, at around 12:00pm central time, the young lady I was dating said she could not date me anymore. She was not answering my calls beforehand and I felt slighted. She said that she is like this, likes to go out and that she valued her freedom. I responded by asking if she could find time out of her day to make for me. She then said that she did not want to have this conversation and that she could not do this anymore. Thus ended what could have been a wonderful relationship. What kills me is all the wonderful things she told me before this and the how wonderful she made me feel. Now, it has been a week since this unfortunate event and I feel the complete opposite. Hence, I have decided to put up a few break up songs to explain how I feel. Follow me bellow the fold.
I will start by saying that my healing process has been slow, but steady since last Friday. I cried on Friday last and have not shed a tear since then. Every day has been a real trial for I have to get used to the idea of not calling her and seeing her. This does not mean that I stop thinking of her, she is constantly on my mind. Those wonderful memories along with the bad make me wish that I did not have a mind. I have even come to think that it was the worst mistake to have met her and gone out with her. At times, I feel that she will not defeat me and that I will find the right one later. I was me before her and I will continue to be me. It has been a roller coaster ride of feelings for me and it has not been easy. Still there is a silver lining in all of this. For one, I found out very early that she is immature, self-centered, and selfish. Better to feel crappy now that a year later. However, the pain is there and I try not to think of her. I also drink to forget and help me sleep. What I have not done is give into smoking. Granted I have smoked a couple when I have gone out to drink. I just don't want to do that anymore.
Without further ado, I will post some of the best break up songs by Ramon Ayala in this diary. Naturally, I will translate the lyrics so that all of you can see how I feel. At the end of the diary, I will say a few final words in the form of advice to all of you. Enjoy this diary and please help me. I need advice or kind words. Mind you, I am doing much better, but it hurts once in a while.
Current members of the GUS team:
1BQ, 3rdGenFeminist, Abra Crabcakeya, addisnana, AfroPonix, aishmael, Alise, Alpha99, A Man Called Gloom, ambeeeant, American in Kathmandu, amk for obama, andsarahtoo, Anne933, anodnhajo, aoeu, aquarius2001, arcadesproject, Archie2227, arodb, Arthur Wolf (in memoriam), assyrian64, awkawk, b4uknowit, bamablue, BARAKABETH, barnowl, b barrie, bdizz, beatpanda, BFSkinner, bgblcklab1, BigAlinWashSt, Bike Crash, BirderWitch, BJKay, bleeding heart, blingbling65, blue husky, Blue Intrigue, BlueJessamine, bluestatedem84, BoiseBlue, Brahman Colorado, breedlovinit, BrenP, BrowniesAreGood, bsmechanic, buddabelly, burrow owl, BusyinCa, Carol in San Antonio, CathodeRay, cee4, Cen Den, ChiTownDenny, ChocolateChris, ChurchofBruce, cinnamondog, citizenx, Cleante, Code Monkey, Coldblue Steele, Colorado is the Shiznit, coloradomomma, commonmass, Common Sense Mainer, congenitalefty, coppercelt, dadanation, dangoch, Dauber, Dauphin, demkat620, Dexter, Diana in NoVa, Dickie, DiegoUK, Dingodude, dirtdude, distraught, djMikulec, dolfin66, donnamarie, Donna O, dotsright, DRo, droogie6655321, duckhunter, Eclectablog, Eddie C, EdgedInBlue, effervescent, elbamash, El barragas, el vasco, ericlewis0, Everest42, Ex Con, fhamme, Fineena, fiona2, fishhawk, Flea, FlipperWaves, flumptytail, fritzi56, FrugalGranny, Garrett, Gator, gchaucer2, Geiiga, Georgianna Darcy, glpaul, GN1927, gooderservice, gooners, gravlax, greylox, grndrush, GrumpyWarriorPoet, gzodik, Haole in Hawaii, HappyinNM, henlesloop, HeyMikey, hideinplainsight, High Tide, hiliner68, hold tight, hulibow, I love OCD, Im a frayed knot, imisa, Indexer, indubitably, indyada, Interceptor7, inventor, I said GOOD DAY sir, itsbenj, Jahiz, JamesEB, janl1776, JayinPortland, jayjaybear, jbou, Jeffersonian Democrat, jmadlc55, jmonch, Joe's Steven aka Steven, john07801, johngoes, jsfox, JVolvo's Mom, jwinIL14, kai99, kailuacaton, kat herder, Kelly of PA, kestrel9000, khloemi, Khun David, Kitsap River, kittania, Kodiak54, Kristina40, Ksholl, LABWITCH, Lady Kestrel, ladypockt, Lahdee, langerdang, LarsThorwald, LA rupert, last starfighter, LaughingPlanet, Laurie Gator, Lipstick Liberal, litoralis, lmdonovan, lockewasright, longislandny, luvsathoroughbred, maggiemay, magicsister, mango, Marc in KS, marknspokane, maryabein, Matt Esler, mdemploi, Micburke, michael1104, MillieNeon, Minerva1157, MinervainNH, Missys Brother, mjbleo, MnRaindog, Morague, Mr Bojangles, mrsgoo, mskitty, msmacgyver, MsWings, nannyboz, ncsuLAN, NearlyNormal, Nedsdag, Nick Zouroudis, notgivingup, NY brit expat, one pissed off democrat, operculum, OrangeMike, Ordvefa, OverTheEdge, pager, paige, PaintyKat, paradox, parryander, Pennsylvanian, phrogge prince, Positronicus, post rational, Proud Mom and Grandma, psycho liberal, ptolemynm, Purple Priestess, PvtJarHead, racheltracks, randallt, real world chick, red mittens, Reepicheep, regis, relentless, revelwoodie, revsue, Rex Manning, rexymeteorite, RiaD, rickeagle, ridemybike, rightiswrong, rincewind, rkex, roadlion, Roger Fox, Rosebuddear, roses, rscopes, Rudini, Safina, SallyCat, Sark Svemes, sboucher, scooter in brooklyn, Scrapyard Ape, seenaymah, sfbob, sgary, Shahryar, sheddhead, Shifty18, shmuelman, shopkeeper, slowbutsure, smartcookienyc, smeesq, snoopydawg, snorwich, SnyperKitty, SoCalHobbit, sofia, soonergrunt, sostos, sowsearsoup, SpecialKinFlag, spmozart, spotDawa, SpotTheCat, StateofGrace, Statusquomustgo, stiffneck, sunbro, Super Grover, swampyankee, tallmom, Tay, tdslf1, teknospaz, theatre goon, The Eyewitness Muse, TheGeneral, TheStoopingRabbit, TigerMom, tiredofcrap, TomP, tonyahky, Toyotabob7, Treefrog, triciawyse, trs, trueblueliberal, ttanner, Tulsonian, Turn VABlue, Turtle Bay, Tyto Alba, uc booker, UncleCharlie, Unduna, Unforgiven, ursoklevar, USArmyParatrooper, VA02 femocrat, Vacationland, valadon, Vayle, Vetwife, vgranucci, waytac, webranding, weelzup, Wes Opinion, Whimsical Rapscallion, willy be frantic, willy mugobeer, Wood Dragon, wolfie1818, Wordsinthewind, Wreck Smurfy, x, xopher, yet another liberal, Zotz
Well, that is all I can write for I am starting to remember her again. What gets to me the most is that we could have had something beautiful. However, I cannot live my life on what ifs. It has been hard to heal, but I am taking it one day at a time. My advice to all of you in GUS who have someone, please take care of her or him. It is tough to find love in this life. I was engaged and lost that. After five years of not finding one special, I then meet this girl and nothing happens. Hold on to that love and cherish it. Believe me the pain of losing a love and a potential future love hurts. Love each other and cherish each other. Life is too short to spend it with drama and sadness. That is my advice to everyone here. To those who are looking like me, just don't give up. I am not giving up, I am only taking some time to heal. If this experience has taught me anything, it is that there are potential people out there who are looking for us. I also will take this thought. I should have never met that woman. She was just so wrong for me and I am paying for it right now.